When you approach the age of 25, you begin to have a PRE-MIDLIFE-CRISIS. And you start over-analyzing EVERYTHING...including your forehead. WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS ROADMAP THAT HAS BEEN PERMANENTLY CARVED ONTO MY FACE!?!?!
AND WHY DO I STILLLLLLLL SUFFER FROM ACNE!?!?!? I thought life was supposed to get better after puberty.
So the only solution is to run to the nearest dermatologist and beg him to prescribe the most expensive cure-all that money can buy. Unfortunately, my dermatologist seems to think he can make more money by suggesting that I use SUNSCREEN on my face rather than BOTOX. URGHHHH. That was a disappointment.And as for the pimples and zits??? He suggested...ACNE SURGERY. Now that's what I was talking about!!! SURGERY, NEEDLES, SCALPELS, LASERS - I wanted RESULTS. FAST.
On the day of my ACNE SURGERY I strolled into the office, all bright-eyed and pimply. I settled myself into the patient's chair and enthusiastically awaited my procedure. The attendant came in and I asked her what exactly acne surgery entailed and what I should expect.She replied, "Oh nothing, really."
And then proceeded to take out a MINISCULE METAL SPOON with a long handle."What's that?" I asked.
"Oh this is what I'm going to use to perform your acne surgery."
I am here to tell you that NO MEDICAL GOOD can come of a METAL SPOON.
And with that, she began SCRAPING and SQUEEZING and SCOOPING OUT my face with a METAL SPOON."Does it hurt?" she asked.
"UHH..A LITTLE." I replied, as she handed me a tissue and instructed me to apply pressure...apparently I was now BLEEDING.
WTF!!?!?!? I signed up for SURGERY. I didn't sign up to be PHYSICALLY ASSAULTED BY A METAL SPOON.
She then showed me the spoon and in it was enough oil to fry up a buffet-tray of hash browns.
I made her stop after my chin had been gnawed off as I couldn't handle any further nerve and tissue damage. I left with the same amount of acne on my face and now also some neato facial scarring on my chin.I guess I'm going to just have to accept the fact that I'm growing old with these bad boys...which will eventually be BKA "Elderly Acne."
4 comments:
Hahaha...hilarious post...
BTW, you don't have adult acne, I have seen adult acne on people...u are just gullible and they sucked you into expensive spooning!
omg hilariously written (yet sad) post. i read this b/c my husband also has ridic sensitive skin and breaks out often. he had serious acne as a teen...after law school, he finally had some type of "laser surgery" on his face. it actually helped A LOT, but he still gets random break-outs, but now only in targeted areas. anyway, cetaphil and oil-free moisturizer all the way!!!!
Jean, a lot of people get adult acne b/c of diet - I have since cut out (well almost) all coffee & my skin & the scarring have improved drastically. Also, any facewash with glycolic acid (goood for you, not scary as it sounds) helps tremendously, I used Glytone which actually has an acne regimine. Finally, since moving to NY I started going to Dr. Parikh at the Tribecca Skin Center http://www.tribecaskincenter.com/ who is AWESOME and gives you realistic treatments and recommendations for your skin type & age. He soothed my paranoia about wrinkles (no botox until your 30's he says) & my skin has improved a lot since I have been going to him for semi-yearly peels. Check some of these out, I hope it helps!
JEANNNNNNNNNN you are SO. EFFING. FUNNY! you are SO LUCKY i don't live in NY because i would STALK you!!
having seen quite a few pics of you over the years, i have never noticed any blemishes, so i am not sure what this adult acne you speak of is, but i have to say that i got my first round of botox and i LOVE it!
Post a Comment