SPRING FEVER.

Is anyone else feeling Sweaty and showing slight signs of Sickness? Something is up with my alphabetical Stars and the letter "S" is currently ruling my cosmos.

1. Sunburnt.

Apparently Spring no longer exists, and we have skipped right into Summer. A few hours lounging at Hudson River Park caused me to turn into a human lobster.

2. Sailing to Staten Island.

If you're ever at a loss for outdoorsy activities, make your way down to South Ferry and hop on the free ferry heading towards Staten Island. It is a brisk, breezy ride - just long enough for you to drink a beer and wave at the Statue of Liberty.

3. Swine Flu.

I woke up today feeling slightly ill - unable to open my eyes, a warm forehead, and a slight headache. My body ached, which I attributed to my terrible sunburn. I was tempted to call out sick from work - but figured that sun poisoning would not be considered a valid excuse. Upon opening my inbox, I found a mass corporate email addressing the recent Swine Flu outbreak, which has now affected 28 confirmed cases in New York. I coughed thrice today, held in a few sneezes (so as not to alarm my coworkers), and felt dizzy when standing. Call me crazy, but I don't think my symptoms are unlike that of Swine Flu!! At the risk of losing two dear friends (please don't be offended, A & D), but in an effort to add validity to my claim - although I have not taken a recent trip to Mexico, I did happen to make a trip out to a lovely apartment soiree in Jackson Heights, Queens which is a mere 5 miles away from St. Francis Preparatory School.


OKKKK and it also doesn't help that I just opened up Facebook and saw that one of the nice people I had met at said soiree in Jackson Heights "received a call notifying (him) of a confirmed case of swine flu at (his) office." OK SO NOW DOES EVERYONE BELIEVE ME!?!?!?

4. Salmonella.

Today the FDA and CDC issued a warning of salmonella contamination in raw alfalfa sprouts. Guess when I read this article. After lunch. Guess what I had in my salad during lunch. Raw alfalfa sprouts. Thus far, there have been 31 confirmed alfalfa-related salmonella cases in Michigan, Minnesota, Pennsylvania, South Dakota, Utah, and West Virginia. It was only a matter of time for this outbreak to reach New York. Starting with me.

4. Sweet things.

I'll end my post on a lighter note with some sweet indulgences from the past few days.


Spoil your sweet tooth at Sweet Revenge in the West Village - a quaint cupcake cafe and bar that serves artisan cupcakes deck-ed out in delicious mohawks of frosting. The bakery goes above and beyond and even suggests wine and beer pairings to match your cupcake flavor choice. Above please find pictured their namesake cupcake - Sweet Revenge - made of peanut butter cake, ganache filling with peanut butter buttercream, and paired with a Malbec. Surprisingly, I did not love this particular flavor. It was almost too much peanut butter, not enough cake.


So thank goodness I actually ordered the Very Strawberry cupcake, which was paired with a Prosecco.


The ugly avec-flash photo reveals the construction of my absolutely delightful Very Strawberry cupcake - Mexican vanilla cake with fresh strawberries BAKED INSIDE and strawberry creamcheese frosting. The cake was a perfect texture, the frosting was heavenly, and the strawberry filling provided a pleasant surprise effect and tied the cupcake together.


Meeting for drinks in midtown is often a risk not worth taking. In my opinion, bars in midtown (East or West) are for the most part mediocre at best. That's why I was so surprised with my experience at M Bar, in the Mansfield Hotel. The atmosphere is what I imagine an old men's club would be - the walls are lined with book shelves, plush seating inset in dark wood, and a sufficient (but not overdone) cocktail menu. The casual, chic environment makes you forget you are only steps away from the craziness of Times Square, Rockefeller Center, Grand Central, and Bryant Park. Their cocktails are a honky $15, but delicious, strong, and made with care (and fresh fruits - note the grapes and blueberries floating in my drink!!).

5. Sleep.

Before I go running to the nearest hospital concerning my recent sugar overdose and outbreak of life-threatening diseases, I am treating myself to a night of intense rest. Which was really just an excuse for me to not go to the gym.

$8 vs $5.

You've heard me talk about them before. But the hype was apparently just beginning!! Banh mi, aka Vietnamese sandwiches, have been BLOWING UP in Manhattan. With the help of a third opening of Baoguette, Num Pang, etc - non-Chinatown residents have been able to get their dose of banh mi, but at a higher price point. Slightly fancier, seating available, and closer proximity make the 50% mark-up easier to swallow. But if you happen to be in Chinatown, make an effort to try "authentic" non-commercialized banh mi.


We went to Saigon Banh Mi So 1 on Broome and Mott based on a recommendation from a friend. This was a true Vietnamese deli filled with Pocky, coconut juice, basil seed juice (scary-looking!!), and of course NO TABLES/CHAIRS.


There were around 15 different varieties of banh mi available (all served with the same toppings of pickled carrots, cilantro, and cucumber). I was surprised that the deli was so vegetarian friendly, as most Asian restaurants (or people) are typically not so veggie-conscious!! There is house vegetarian special, a fish option, and even a vegan chicken sandwich!!! Here is my HUGE vegan chicken banh mi with lemongrass on a warm, fresh baguette- which cost me a mere $4.75. WATCH OUT SUBWAY, there is a NEW CONTENDER in town!!!


MMM - the vegan chicken/tofu had quite the kick but GREAT flavors. I gotta say, however - despite the great value and exceptional product - I still favor Num Pang. Yes, their sandwich is about half the size and more expensive (around $7.95), but there is something about their toasted garlicky bread and chili mayo that is so much more flavorful. It's a little prettier and a little neater - I tend to fall for things in cuter packages. However, I still highly recommend Saigon Banh Mi So for some filling, satisfying cheap eats. And apparently many other people love this place too - by 5pm (right after we began chomping on our sandwiches outside of the deli), the lights had already been shut off, and a sign reading "Sorry, no more baguettes. 'No More Sandwiches'" had been placed at the counter.

ON DESIGN.

Does anyone subscribe to Time magazine?? Err, better question - does anyone even still subscribe to magazines?? I ask myself why I read NYMag.com all day during work when I have a physical copy of the magazine at home untouched/unread.

Those were some slightly off-topic questions. Allow me to gear us back towards the point. This week's Time was delivered with a supplementary Time Style & Design issue. It caught my eye because it had an unusual cover design. Of course, hidden underneath this issue was yet another Time magazine with Barack Obama on the cover. But magazine covers are not what I am here to rant about today.

What I am going to rant about is the fact that Time Style & Design is TOTALLY HYPOCRITICAL. This year's edition was green-themed, the cover reading "The Green Design 100: The People and Ideas Behind Today's Most Influential Design." As if the green thing isn't already TOTALLY PLAYED OUT and SO LAST YEAR. I understand the importance of the issue but REALLY Time??? You couldn't think of another more interesting, captivating theme?? Or at least maybe go along with this year's RECESSIONISTA mantra: giving us an inside scoop on how retailers and designers are coping with the recession, what they have had to forgo because of the economy, advice on how to survive in this market, neat DIY styling tips??

ANYWAYS. I read the Editor's Note by Kate Betts and it read,

Back in April 2006...we rather boldly proclaimed that sustainability was the new luxury. Admittedly, it was a stretch to speak of luxury goods and sustainability in the same breath. At the time, only a handful of major luxury companies and embraced environmental issues...just three years later...companies as diverse as eBay, Tag Heuer, and Ligne Rose are making huge strides in their sustainable designs and policies, and consumers are REJECTING PLASTIC FOR PAPER - or better yet, cloth - when they shop.

UHMMM....then how come when my Time magazine arrived this week in my mailbox, it came in an INTERESTING package.


Yes, the supplement and the Time issue were mailed TOGETHER in a PLASTIC WRAPPER, which I now have to DISPOSE OF in a way that harms the environment. How could such an important production issue be so BLATANTLY overlooked??? What a HEINOUS and HYPOCRITICAL oversight. I am actually offended. You have a 40-page magazine touting all of the world's best environmental design and write about how Time is so cutting-edge, environmentally-conscious, and green but then you mail me my magazines in an UNNECESSARY and ENVIRONMENTALLY-HARMFUL plastic wrapper??? You really couldn't take the time to print my mailing address on the supplement?? Why don't you just ship it to me in a Styrofoam box next year!?!?!

URGH.

GET FAMOUS.

First recording sesh of The Trillionaire Troupe last night.

A new kinda rap collective. Ya heard it here first. Tell a friend.

Now I just gotta figure out how to get music files on this site...

-Himellionaire

FOOD & FILM.

OMG, this is my kind of film festival. Who is coming to the NYC FOOD FILM FEST with me this summer!?!?!? Movies dedicated to food, such as Peeps, buttermilk, and honey, will be playing from June 13-19 at New York's Water Taxi Beach locations (yes, the one in Long Island City and also the much anticipated venue at South Street Seaport).

I plan on attending the opening night gala at Astor Center on Saturday, June 13th - where we will be able to sample the buttermilk featured in Buttermilk: It Can Help and other foods that will be movie stars for one blissful week. TROOPS, LET'S GO!!!!!!

MACAO TRADING COMPANY.

I swear to god it was like Chronicles of Narnia meets Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon (or some other ancient Asia-y type film). The doors of Macao Trading Company are nondescript, unmarked, and lie on a quiet, unassuming street. Unless you know the exact address, you would never expect to push through the aforementioned uninviting doors and find yourself transformed into another world. You are immediately ensconced by the hustle and bustle of a 1940s harbor warehouse. The decor in this restaurant is phenomenal. Cages outline the upper perimeter of the dining area and allow you to catch a glimpse into a seedy environment filled with old antiques and relics. The soft glow from the lighting barely illuminates the wooden tables, providing a vibe of mystery mixed with warmth. I've never seen a restaurant TRY to make their bathrooms seem worn and dingy, like those you would find in most eateries in Chinatown. The crowd is lively and a healthy mix of suits, hipsters, etc.

We were escorted downstairs and entered an even "sexier" part of the restaurant - as our hostess described. I had already expected to fall in love with the atmosphere and decor, but I was hesitant about the actual food. I had read many a scathing review on Macao Trading Posts' mediocre menu (which features both Chinese and Portuguese specialties and also offered dishes prepared in either Chinese or Portuguese style), so I started off with one of their famous cocktails. A little buzz always makes the meal more enjoyable.


I ordered the Drunken Dragon's Milk - Charbay Green Tea Vodka shaken with Young Coconut Puree, Thai Basil, & Macao Five-Spice Bitters. This frothy drink was delicious, but almost made me feel as if I were drinking liquid curry...but does that have to be a bad thing??? Thoroughly enjoyed this indulgent cocktail.

Our table ordered three small dishes to share.


Chinese style shrimp in crispy wrappers. Eating shrimp with its shell still intact is extremely strange to me, but no doubt definitely a common Chinese-way of serving shrimp. I was somewhat averse to this dish only because the shell was left on, but other then that - the little shrimp wrapper was tasty.


The Portuguese style mushroom and truffle croquettes. TRES yummy...but I am wondering what ingredients or form makes this cheesy, creamy croquette actually Portuguese???


Scallop and snow pea leaf dumplings. Again tasty - but nothing mind-blowing.

I ordered the Macanese Paella for my main course, which was absolutely delicious!!! The rice developed a nice texture from being stewed in clam and lobster stock. It was topped with Manila clams, monkfish, shrimp, and a few vegetables. Great flavors, well-cooked seafood...albeit fairly salty. I recognize this only because after my meal I felt completely dehydrated!!! My apologies for the lack of photography for this dish - all of my images came out really blurry and dark.


The trio of flan and churros for dessert. The flan was absolutely divine. I loved the creamy texture of the caramel flan, and then interesting infusion of chocolate flavors in the chocolate flan. We could have done without the strange citrus-y one at the end. The churros were extremely mediocre in my mind. It would have helped if the dough had more flavor - if there were also hints of cinnamon and sugar within the churro rather than just sprinkled on the outside. The chocolate was watery, not thick enough for dunking.

Go to Macao Trading Company, but don't expect to eat extremely inventive, creative dishes. Expect to eat normal Asian-style cuisine and you will not be disappointed. Come thirsty and enjoy their delicious cocktails. Dessert can be made an afterthought.

WHY I HAVE NO MONEY.

Below is a list of reasons Why I Have No Money that I cannot control:

1. "State regulators" are really busy RUINING MY LIFE by approving a hefty $523.4 million increase for Con Ed's services for the upcoming year. IN ADDITION, via some "temporary surcharge" on our bills, they have also authorized an increase of $198 million for "state-mandated assessments." There will be an overall increase of 6.1% for my ALREADY RIDICULOUS Con Ed bill (which has consistently remained over $200 the past few months). Now you're asking for an ADDITIONAL $12!!? FOR WHAT.

According to the New York times,

The factors driving Con Edison’s need for additional revenue are real property taxes, state assessment changes, addition to utility plant, increases in pensions and other retirement benefits, and a change in return on equity, or profit for Con Edison, to 10 percent, up from 9.1 percent.


Hmm..okay...processing...

Coincidentally, NYMag just published this little graph/blurb thing in this week's issue about which industries and companies are still hiring during these trying times.


Guess which company was on that list. Apparently due to "high profits" there have been NO NEED FOR LAYOFFS. So WHY THE F are you asking me for an additional $721 million? You want my $12/month so you can pay your employees, offer them great benefits, hire MORE people, and raise company profit!??!?!

You know what MY company did in order to save money and raise company profit??? WE LAID OFF EMPLOYEES. WE CUT OUR 401K. WE HAD OUR HOLIDAY PARTY AT A BOWLING ALLEY. AND WE WENT "GREEN" - which is really a corporation's guise for cutting printing costs. Do you think we decided to raise our price tickets and charge each customer an additional $12/garment?? UH, HELLS TO THE NO. We reduced our line assortment, slashed our budget, and cut any excess that we could. Why is it that my company can take cost-cutting measures INTERNALLY whereas Con Edison finds it appropriate to ask the public for help??

Furthermore, this "temporary" one-year increase will not stop after one year. Apparently this past year, since March 2008, New Yorkers were subjected to a $425 million increase...this year an additional $721 million, next year WHO KNOWS????? THE CON EDISON MONSTER MUST BE CAPPED.

2. This is old news that I have been meaning to complain about. The MTA has gotten off pretty easily on this blog in the past. But the MTA fare increase is absolutely ridiculous!!! My monthly Metrocard, an already expensive $81, will now cost me $103/month. I got a really wonderful email in my work inbox from Human Resources stating:

The monthly cost will automatically increase from $81 to the new $103 per month fare effective June 1 for the July benefit month. For associates paid weekly, the deduction will increase to $25.75 per week

Goodbye, manicures and pedicures!!

And F, I just read this sentence of the email (which was sent on April 13th):

If you use TransitChek QuickPay^® Card, a prepaid Visa^® card, and TransitChek^® Vouchers:

• Check for changes in your commuting costs and adjust your benefit on or before April 15^th to meet new fares going into effect in June by logging on to www.premiumenrollment.com.

WTF, HR. Thanks for giving me TWO DAYS to change my benefits. And couldn't you have given me like a REMINDER TEXT MESSAGE or something????? It is now nearly two weeks later, well over the deadline, and I finally just logged on to adjust my benefits. Turns out I never even adjusted it for the LAST fare increase, as I have only been deducting $76/month from my paycheck pre-tax for the past two years!! GRRFACE, my life DOUBLESUCKS.


3. New York City's oversaturated CUPCAKE MARKET.

Everywhere I turn (on the streets and in the cyberworld), I am bombarded by imagery of cupcakes!!!! People talking about cupcakes, people eating cupcakes, Magnolia's sprouting on every corner. All of this madness over the past few years has somehow devalued U.S. currency and made $2.50-5.00 a reasonable price for an individual cupcake!!! Pictured above, perfectly iced cupcakes from Dessert Club Chikalicious.

Now that I am really drowning in Con Edison bills, MTA transportation costs, and cupcakes, I doubt I will be able to continue living this life of essential luxuries. Maybe I should just live on the subway (and never have to pay for a monthly card or electricity), traverse the stops between West Village and Upper West Side, and terrorize tourists carrying cupcake boxes. Or I could become the new Hipster Grifter of Midtown West, convince unassuming men that I am dying, forge bad checks, and become referred to as the Hells Kitchen Vixen.

A "P" KINDA WEEKEND.

I just realized that almost everything I did this weekend was related to the letter "P". (Did I put the period in the right place in that sentence??)

Friday was one of the first glorious days of the season in the city. The month of April is a weather forecaster's worst nightmare because the weather is totally schizophrenic and you can't fool the public as easily as in winter or hot summer months. For example - it can be sunny yet cold. Your body's solar-meter (your body's ability to recognize solar energy) is all thrown off because it sees the sunshine, but it doesn't feel the warmth. Well this past weekend was different because it was both sunny and ranged between a comfortable 60-70 degrees.

Due to wonderful weather and a wonderful boss, I was released at 2pm and went straight to the Post office. There, I got a money order for $130 made out to the Brazilian Consulate for my visitor's visa. After that, it was off to Bloomingdale's where I discovered Memoire Liquide in the Perfume section.


Memoire Liquide began 25 years ago in Santa Monica, California. I was lucky enough to actually be helped by the amazingly sweet and humble owner, Jen (and also met her sister and co-owner, Robin). It is a perfumery that holds hundreds of different base fragrances in little vials. You can mix, match, and blend all types of delicious, spicy, fruity, musky, clean, and flowery scents. Either choose one scent you love and have it made into a spray, lotion, or body wash...or (if you are like me and unable to make normal purchasing decisions) buy the tri-fragrance pack (where the scents come in tiny bottles with a convenient roll-on applicator). The concept is based on the fact that scents can activate and trigger your memory. I chose one scent that was heavy on the vanilla overtones (which is similar to my normal everyday Flowerbomb perfume), one that had a bit of spice and reminded me of my ginger oil diffuser from Origins, and one that had a very tropical, floral scent which reminded me Hawaii. Specifically of Ala Moana Mall. The great thing is that I can wear each of these scents individually or I can mix the vanilla with the spicy (which smells really great), the spicy with the tropical (which also smells really great), and maybe even the vanilla and the tropical (which I haven't tried yet). I don't remember any of the names of these scents, but that's OK because they keep all of your scents on file at the boutique!!! Highly recommended for those who want a perfume that isn't mass-produced or easily recognizable.

The night pleasantly ended with a rooftop Party at the Empire Hotel. I had to add this in, because it fit in nicely with my "P"-themed weekend.


Saturday was the perfect day for a Painful bike ride. We rented bikes for $5/hour from the bike shop next to our apartment and went for a ride around Central Park, out onto the East Side and all the way down to South Street Seaport, and then back up the West side along the Hudson River. It's about an 18 mile ride (the Google Pedometer that D so kindly mapped out for us pictured above includes a scary hill in Central Park that we opted to NOT attempt conquering). It was a two hour trek, but well worth the pain and soreness later. And also quite re-affirming that the West side is far more beautiful than the East side.


Afterwards, it was time for a Picnic in Central Park. Just about everyone in Manhattan and its surrounding boroughs had the same idea - and that was to find a small patch of green in Sheep's Meadow, lay out a towel, and bask in the sun. What an amazingly diverse group of people all crammed together the one lawn in Manhattan that is larger than 2' x 4' - New York has this wonderful ability to bring all different types of people together into one area, peacefully co-exist, and enjoy one of the last free things in life.


Despite the picnic, we were still hungry once the sun began to set. So we headed over to Patsy's in the Upper West Side for some brick-oven Pizza. Patsy's was supposedly New York's first pizzeria restaurant (opening in 1933) and now has several locations throughout the city. Patsy Lancieri was the uncle of Patsy Grimaldi and taught little Grimaldi everything he knew about New York style pizza - Grimaldi would later open up my favorite pizzeria, Grimaldi's, in Brooklyn. Boy - who knew pizza could be such an empire and family enterprise!!! What it would be like to marry into this family...and for the record, I think Grimaldi's is better.

After a day of bike-riding, sun-poisoning, and shoveling down three slices of pizza - it was time to Pass out on my couch while watching You've Got Mail. A pretty uneventful Saturday evening, I know.


On Sunday, M came into the city for some bridesmaid dress shopping!! After our shopping excursion, we had a late lunch at Penelope - a very cute, homey cafe and bakery. The decor is a little worn in, they open the shutters, and they write the menu on old-fashioned chalk-boards.


I ordered the Penny Egg Sandwich, which was scrambled eggs, American Cheese, soy sausage, and Pesto on an english muffin. Very simple but extremely delicious and tasty. I want to find out what brand of soysage they used!!! It was really great! I also ordered a side of greens but unless you REALLY want JUST a side of greens with a light dressing and a sprinkle of three craisins, it is not worth the $6...when I could have just gotten another sandwich.

After lunch, we headed over to Park Slope in Brooklyn - which I discovered that I absolutely LOVEEEE. It is super cute, has snazzy-yet comfortable-looking restaurants, and smaller mom & pop shops. It's what Hell's Kitchen should be.

Despite it being only about an hour since our last meal, we decided it was necessary to order once we were seated at Beet. And I do not regret this decision!


I ordered the Thai iced tea, which almost everyone at the table proceeded to do once they tasted how amazing it was.


A and I shared the Crab and Avocado salad. Absolutely delicious!! Half an avocado topped with a fresh crab salad and fish roe - though a little mayo-heavy it was not very heavily-spiced so we were able to enjoy the fresh taste of the crab, the added salt from the fish roe and the natural texture and creaminess of the avocado.


I also had the Thai Crepe - which really wasn't a crepe at all and more like 4 dumpling-type globulars that were filled with peanut, radish, and scallion and topped with sun-dried tomatoes. Great texture and interesting dish!!! I don't necessarily think that sun-dried tomatoes should be married to peanuts, but I didn't mind the flavor combination.

We then watched the motion Picture film, Adventureland...which made me kind of sad inside. A little too awkward, a little too unnecessarily dramatic, and a little too annoying to watch.

OK I don't know how to end this post. I wish I could be insightful and give you something interesting to think about, like the Pirates...or Obama's new Portuguese water dog. I'll try harder tomorrow. Peace out, everyone!

MORE PROOF I AM PSYCHIC.

Something else STRANGE that has happened recently...

OK so remember I went to the Brooklyn Museum two weeks ago?? Well there was this one room with all these paintings of different New York buildings, skylines, etc. I randomly thought out loud about this documentary that someone, a few months ago, had told me about - Man on Wire. It is about Philippe Petit's high-wire walk between the twin towers back in 1974. He told me that it was the best documentary that he had ever seen. But I never bothered to watch it because that sounds BORING to me. And would also probably give me EXTREME ANXIETY. So that's why when I was in this random room full of paintings of buildings I said, "OMG, this reminds me of that documentary about that guy who tight-rope walks the Empire State Building." And my friends were like, "UH YOU'RE WEIRD. IT WAS THE TWIN TOWERS." Oops.

ANYWAYSSSSSS, so if it wasn't already unusual that I had brought up this documentary that I had never seen about this man I didn't know anything about - yesterday the New York Times published an article about the SAME MAN, Philippe Petit, planning to wire walk AGAIN!!!! The location is a huge secret but Petit revealed that it would be somewhere in MIDTOWN MANHATTAN. I'm guessing he's going to like..walk across Central Park or something.

NOT ONLY THAT, but then amigo Teduardo sent me a link to the Washington Post Peeps Show (BTW CUTEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE, REMIND ME TO MAKE A PEEP DIORAMA ABOUT NATIVE AMERICANS NEXT YEAR) - and guess what makes it into the top 40 entries of the Peep Diorama Contest. Not only once, but TWICE.



That's right, folks. TWO almost-winning entries about the SAME SUBJECT aka the subject that I WAS THINKING ABOUT!!!!!!!!??!!!!??

Tres, tres bizarre......

PROOF I AM PSYCHIC.

I think I am weirdly psychic because when I think about things...they either happen, or something extremely related happens. IN A GOOD WAY.

For example - today was Donovan's birthday. This morning I wrote him an email suggesting we go get birthday treats at Dessert Club, Chikalicious. It's one of those places that I've been meaning to try and has been on the list for a little while but I hadn't gotten to it just yet.

All throughout the work day, I kept finding myself reverting back to the Dessert Club website to stare at glorious pictures of cupcakes, Coconut Marshmallows, and their Espresso Ice Shot. The Triple Chocolate Cupcake was a dangerous siren, compelling me to forget all about my upcoming trip to Brazil where I will be surrounded by beautifully thin, tan ladies that don't succumb to the enchanting cupcake.

Unfortunately due to a pesky rainfall and Donovan's evil company, we were unable to make it out to Dessert Club tonight. But when I sat down just now to peruse NYMag.com and clicked on the very recently published "15 Cupcakes Put to the Test" list, GUESS which bakery/restaurant came in NUMBER ONE. UHHHHH YES. DESSERT CLUB.

Either God is taunting me, or restaurants are going to have to pay me to starting THINKING about them a lot more.

A TASTE OF SLOVAKIA.

Hello and welcome to this evening's edition of Jean's Family Recipes - a series dedicated to revealing the cooking secrets that Jean's family have passed down from generation to generation.

Tonight we will feature - my personal favorite - SLAVIC PIEROGI!!!!!!!

-INTERESTING FACTOID POP-UP: Because pierogi are small and it is assumed that you will eat several/many at a time, the term pierogi is already the plural form of the word-

Step 1. Invite your Slavic mother, Paula Plichta, to your house and have her make the pierogi dough while you are at work.



Step 2. Once your dough has risen for half an hour, it is time for the party to begin.

-Interesting FACTOID POP-UP: the secret ingredient in the pierogi dough is SOUR CREAM-



Step 3: Roll out the dough and use the mouth of a glass to cut-out evenly-sized circular pieces of dough.



Step 4: Grab the pierogi wrapper from your mother and takeover the pierogi-making process. HINT HINT: This is when the FUN part begins.



Step 5: Place any type of filling into the wrapper. Be sure to not overfill the wrapper, or it will be difficult to seal!!! I am filling this with PRUNE JAM (to make lekvar pierogi)...we also used SAUERKRAUT that was sauteed in butter for our other batch. Feel free to invite me, QUALITY CONTROL SERGEANT - SPECIAL UNIT: PIEROGI FILLING, to inspect your filling to dough ratio to prevent pierogi breakage.



Step 6: Fold one end of dough to the other like a taco and press against the edges of the filling to seal it in. Make sure to press firmly so no filling can escape!! Use your thumb to stretch out the flappers of the pierogi. Take a fork and press down along the entire edge of the flappers. Do this on both sides. Now your piergo has a cool mohawk!



Step 7: TADA. A pierog is born.



Step 8: Place pierog with the rest of his pierogi family and wait for a large pot of water to come to a boil.

Please note sauerkraut filling at the bottom of this picture.

Step 9: Once the pierogi have boiled and risen to the top of the pot, take them out and hand them over to the SAUTEE SLAVE. Sautee the pierogi in butter.



Step 10: Remove pierogi from sautee pan and place in a bowl to serve. Don't worry about presentation because they probably won't last very long.

-Interesting FACTOID POP-UP: It is of no surprise that Slovakia was once a part of the Kingdom of HUNGaRY many, many years ago and remained an important part of the Hungarian state until 1918. Of course a kingdom of hungry people would invent something as amazing as pierogi. HAHA PUN. CHORTLE CHORTLE-

YUMMMMMMMMMMM.

Thank you for watching tonight's episode of Jean's Family Recipes. I leave you with an excerpt from Wikipedia:

Pierogi, from the Proto-Slavic "pir" (festivity), is the name most commonly used in English speaking areas to refer to a variety of Slavic semicircular (or, in some cuisines, square) boiled dumplings of unleavened dough stuffed with varying ingredients. In English, the word pierogi and its variants are pronounced with a stress on the letter "o".

Pierogi are UNLEAVENED!?!??!??! OMG what a great meal idea while keeping KOSHER FOR PASSOVER!!!!!!!

Until next time - DOBRU CHUT.

KOP - KOSHER FOR PASSOVER.

CHAG SAMEACH!!!!! OMG EVERYONE, welcome to today's episode of MADE: I WANT TO BE JEWISH. As all of you GOOD Jews know, today is the 15th day of the Nisan (Jewish month) which is better known as the first night of PASSOVER. Seder dinner is held only on the first night of Passover at the Rilander residence, just as it is in Israel. Tonight is the night that we remember the Exodus of our ancestors from Egypt, celebrate our freedom, and recognize how far our people have come from slavery. According to Wikipedia, "The words and rituals of the Seder are a primary vehicle for the transmission of the Jewish faith from grandparent to child, and from one generation to the next." By participating in tonight's Seder, the Jewish faith has essentially been transmitted to me. YESSSSSSSS.


Here I am waiting on line for my train ticket along with all of the other Jews that crowded Grand Central today. Ma nishtana...Why on this night is Grand Central even more crowded than on other nights? It's because lots of Jews live in WESTCHESTER COUNTY and they need to get home to partake in Passover dinner!!!!


Our beautiful Passover Seder table. Please note presence of the Haggadah (the free version available from grocery stores in Westchester County that is sponsored by Maxwell House), glass of Manischewitz wine, matzoh, and the traditional Seder plate containing six symbolic foods.

We began the seder by dipping parsley into salt water, to remind us of the TEARS of our ancestors. After some recitations, story-telling, and singing (led by our esteemed leader Ken Rilander, former trustee of Scarsdale), we blessed the matzoh and it was CHOW TIME.


The koreich sandwich - matzoh with maror (bitter herb - in this case, horseradish root) masked by some sweet apple-topping. The Jewish crostini.


Everyone digging into their horseradish sandwich.


Delicioussssss matzoh ball soup with egg noodles. I could eat this every night.


In place of eating brisket (which I cannot eat due to vegetarian practices), I ate two plates of apple kugel. I didn't want it to end. Doesn't Seder dinner look strikingly familiar to Thanksgiving...without the carbs (pay no mind to that potato in the photo)???? The Jews are so smart - they discovered the Atkins diet centuries ago. LEAVENED PRODUCTS ARE SOOOOO EVIL.

Macaroons, mousse cake, and strawberries for dessert. Observing Kosher ways seems easy.

DO THA DONUT SWEEP.

OH hai everyone! You are all probably wondering if I was able to find my way to Queens to crash a Mets game, learn African dancing at the Brooklyn Museum, eat $1 ice cream cones at Ikea, design a few donuts, and change my name to Wihakayda Sioux over the past few days. Well, the answer to all of those questions is YES.


Yes, ladies and gentlemen, thanks to StubHub, I was able to snatch a few SICKnasty, skyline view, mountain-air seating at Citifield for their opening exhibition game last Friday! For a mere $8.99 (+ processing fees), I was exposed to the truly unique experience of watching the game from the vantage point of a bald eagle. Especially thrilling when it is raining!!!


But beyond learning what it feels like to be part of the aviary family, the main reason I was at Citifield was to try the FOOD. I had one culinary goal for the evening, and that was to find David Pasternack's Catch of the Day stand. It took some persistence and sleuthing, but we finally found the fish shack hiding behind the Budweiser sign on the 3rd floor of the stadium. The line for Catch of the Day was SIGNIFICANTLY shorter than the monster that had formed in front of Shake Shack. I think the initial glances at prices on the board were daunting to passersby that had no idea they were paying for lobster. But at $17, the lobster roll seemed like a bargain!! When I finally got my lobster roll, I realized why it cost half as much in Queens as it does in Manhattan. The sandwich is about a quarter of the size of a normal lobster roll, there is no trace of delicious tail meat in the lobster salad, an overwhelming black pepper flavor, and also the addition of an unfamiliar and unwanted crunch of CELERY in the mix. I am not eating a friggin' tuna salad sandwich, David!!! OH, and in place of a hot dog bun (which would have only made too much sense in the ballpark) they decided to serve the lobster salad on a FOLDED piece of WHITE TOAST. BLEACHED BREAD FLOUR MUST BE STOPPED!!!!!

The clam and corn chowder, on the other hand, was quite tasty!!! Maybe I am not a chowder connoisseur, and I do recognize the fact that there could have been a whole lot more CHOW in that chowder...but for under $5, it was a pretty good deal!!

My Citifield experience was decent and if I had frequented a ballpark more than twice in my lifetime, I would have been able to better compare/contrast and maybe even appreciate Citifield a bit more. If they had provided a map of different drinking and eating venues, I might have had a bit more culinary fun.

This past weekend's museum expedition was to the Brooklyn Museum - an unexpectedly large, beautiful, and encompassing museum!!! African art, Asian art, Egyptian art, Modern art, this museum had it all.


We especially liked Sun Kwak's Enfolding 280 Hours installation piece. The entire gallery space was covered with connecting streams of artfully ripped black masking tape, adding up to about 3 miles in length.


I can't remember this artist's name but she was definitely blog-worthy. Her installation piece was fun, obtrusive, impractical, and fanciful. It was fun to imagine the process of creating these nests of textures and materials.

The Brooklyn Museum was so large that we decided it was necessary to save the remaining unvisited floors for a second trip. We are going to make sure to check out next month's Target First Saturdays when admission fee and entertainment costs are waived and alcohol flows freely.

Sunday was such a gloriously sunny day that we were inspired to walk along Riverside Park. What a beautiful public space!! There is plenty of seating and lounging areas for readers, relaxers, and sunbathers. Sitting along the river made us inspired to cross the river via free water taxi to Red Hook Ikea!!!! We were only able to catch the last 7:40pm water taxi to Ikea (which closes daily at 9pm). The ride is a prompt and efficient 10 minutes in length and the last returning water taxi to Manhattan is at 8pm. This meant that after a quick breeze through the Ikea furniture maze, an unappetizing dinner from the cafeteria (which has turned MUCH more ghetto over the past few years), and a $1 squirt of frozen yogurt at the checkout area (which is no longer delicious, creamy, and a healthy shade of white), we had to find another means back to Manhattan. We hopped onto a random B77 bus and hoped for the best. We took it a few stops to Jay Street which connected with the A,C, and F train. Parfait!!! Going to and from Ikea was much easier than I had imagined!!! HUZZAH.

It was so wonderful that we were able to use the B77 bus last night but if this excursion had occurred on perhaps another night in the future, our commute home might not have been so easy. Plans for service cuts throughout the city in an effort to reduce costs has the B77 night-time service in jeopardy. This is a problem not only for Manhattanites that like to stay at Ikea past 8pm, but most of all for the residents of Red Hook West houses, the largest public housing project in Brooklyn, that potentially face a much longer walking commute to the subway.

This is why I vow that IF I WIN THE DUNKIN'S NEXT DONUT CONTEST, I WILL DONATE HALF OF MY WINNINGS ($6000 + TONS OF JEAN-DESIGNED DONUTS) TO THE B77 BUS SERVICE.


I am like unhealthily OBSESSED with this contest. I have been scrolling through the DONUT GALLERY all day!!!!!!! The unfortunate aspect of this contest is that you are only allowed to design THREE donuts. How can I be limited to only three different donuts!?!?!! My first one (picture above) was like OK at best. Nothing too original, but I was just getting my juices flowing.

Chunky Peanut Butter & Jelly Donut by Jean Hsu
Round shell
Strawberry Jelly filling
Peanut Butter icing
Reese's Peanut Butter shavings
Chopped peanuts

The next one I created was a bit more adventurous.

Very Vani-nutty Chai Donut by Jean Hsu
Stick donut
Vanilla Chai Kreme filling
Glaze frosting
Hershey's Vanilla shavings
Chopped roasted almonds

And my final one was a donut that I'm actually interested in eating.

Gimme S'more Donut by Jean Hsu
Round shell
Marshmallow Kreme filling
Chocolate icing
Hershey's Mini Chocolate Chips
Graham Cracker Crunch

I could design donuts all day. Why can't that be my daytime job??? Well, at any rate, if I win this competition maybe Dunkin' Donuts will hire me for a PRODUCT DEVELOPMENT position and I will be able to design NATIVE-AMERICAN INSPIRED DONUTS made out of corn-bread.

Native-American cuisine is actually quite interesting and with my recent intrigue in becoming Native American, I mean, getting in touch with my Sioux roots, I have decided that it may become necessary to drop everything I am doing and start a NATIVE-AMERICAN RESTAURANT. I would serve Fry Bread at every table to start and then offer an extensive menu of Native American dishes from a variety of regions. The Native Americans of Meso-America were actually the original founding fathers of tacos, tamales, tortillas, guacamole, and salsa! Southern Native Americans ate corn bread, succotash, and and acorn mush. The Native Americans of South America ate fried green tomatoes, ceviche, and quinoa (so on top of the grain trend!!!!). I thought I loved Native Americans, but now that I know they were the reason that tacos exist???? I love them even more. Which is why I have changed my name to Wihakayda Sioux (meaning "Little One").

ONE. TACO FOR ME.
TWO. CORNBREAD FOR YOU.
THREE. DO THE DONUT SWEEP.