GIGANTE STUPIDO.

Today we headed to East Rutherford, New Jersey to attend a NY Red Bulls vs LA Galaxy MLS match. East Rutherford is home to my now most hated stadium in the entire world - Giants Stadium. Whoever made up that "No Backpack" rule for the stadium is an idiot and whoever enforces that rule is an even bigger idiot.

We walk to the security entrance as a group of four people - one male with no bag, two women with large handbags, and one male with a backpack. A security guard informs us that no backpacks are allowed and that no lockers are provided on the premises to store backpacks. They suggested we leave the backpack in our car. Well we had arrived via an NJ Transit train and then a charter bus from Secaucus train station. There was no car for us to store our backpack in. I argued that my Speedy could hold just as many contents as his backpack - yet why was I allowed in and my male friend not??? Security guard retorted "Because women are SUPPOSED to carry bags. Men are not." OH WOW!!!!!! So now we believe that all women were made to carry bags!??!!? And that men aren't allowed to do the same!??!!?? Now we are just bordering on gender discrimination. No, we haven't bordered it. WE WENT THERE.

So by now I am internally flipping out and we decide to try another gate. This time, we figured it might be best if one of the females carry the backpack. Because women were created to do this. We try to argue our way through, but apparently backpacks are just not allowed. We see some man walk in with TWO backpacks and we start flipping out. How come he got to enter and we didn't!?!?!??! We were asked, "Well, where's your passport??" EXCUSE ME? "Your passport." NOW WHY THE HELL WOULD I CARRY A PASSPORT. "Because only foreign bags are allowed. I can only allow you to enter the premises with a backpack if you are a foreigner." OHHHHHH WOWWWWWWWWWWWW. So this is like BEYOND racial discrimination. This is NATIONALITY DISCRIMINATION. Apparently anyone holding a U.S. passport is NOT ALLOWED TO BRING A FUCKING BACKPACK INTO GIANTS STADIUM!?!?!?!?

So then we argue that the backpack is this female's handbag - and it's not fair that she cannot bring HER handbag in because it is not a conventional shape of a handbag. I ask what constitutes a "backpack" and a security guard replies, "Anything that you strap onto your back." WHAT IF I CUT THE HANDLES OFF. DOES IT STILL COUNT??? "Yes." IDIOT.


We walk away to plot our next step, and we then see all these stupid women carrying these dumbass MINI BACKPACKS walking in. I thought a bag was considered a backpack if you strapped it on your back!?!??!? So of course I come running up and pointing out all the backpacks I can identify - THERE'S A BACKPACK. OH, AND THERE - THAT WOMAN - BACKPACK. SPORTY BACKPACK HERE. THAT LOOKS LIKE ITS A STRAP ON A SHOULDER. ETC. Needless to say, everyone with a mini backpack or stupid nylon SACKPACK was able to enter the stadium and my point was being taken less and less seriously by the sentence.



OH and BTW, I totally just tried to go to the Dick's Sporting Goods website to try to find the above picture of a SACKPACK for you but accidentally went to www.dicks.com and found out that that is the COMPLETELY incorrect URL. WHOOPS. And FOR THE RECORD, the sackpacks are listed under BACKPACKS in the menu drop down of their online shop. SO A SACKPACK IS A BACKPACK!!!!nsjegnlsegnARHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH, the insanity.

Sadly, I didn't win the fight and we even came across the same problem later on in the evening with a BRIEFCASE - which, in my mind, is certainly not within the same classification as a BACKPACK. Tonight, Giants Stadium has proven itself discriminatory against FEMALES and also males that wish to wear bags, AMERICANS, and also people with a FASHION SENSE. Is there someone I can talk to about a lawsuit!?!?! REALLY!!?!??!


After the backpack fiasco was behind us, we were finally able to sit down and enjoy the game. My senses returned and once again my muscles remembered how to smile. Despite David Beckham's LA Galaxy team beating the NY Red Bulls 3-1, the sport was still very much fun to watch and at least we scored one goal so our side could scream GOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLLLL once throughout the evening. Very important in a soccer match.


Here we all are - sans backpacks and suitcases - after the game. What is a night without verbal assault and throwing down for your friends????