LE WEEKEND.

Buenos dias everyone, I hope this evening fairs everyone well and that no one is slitting their wrists as a result of MARCH MADNESS. I have much to update you about but I will try to remain brief as I just popped a sleeping pill and writing blog posts when I am woozy often results in poor grammar and ill-structured thoughts.

1. LEISURE TIME is my new favorite club in New York City.

As we all know, my role in True Life: I live on a couch at Marquee has come to an end (TAG - that one's for you). And for a while, I didn't really know what I was going to do with myself. But I have found the answer and it involves a TOWER OF BEER from Leisure Time Bowl in the Port Authority. Yes, I kid you not, at Gate 230, next to the NJ Transit ticket booth, is an entrance to THE swankiest club in Midtown West. Not only can you dance around to hip hop and drink Towers of Beer at your own cushy table with plush seating, you can also BOWL. Yes, Leisure Time DOUBLES as a bowling alley. Well, ok, maybe that was the main feature but for me it was just an ADDED BONUS. Go after 9pm and get 2 hours of bowling, shoes, and a tower of beer (which is literally a six foot tall cylinder of beer with a tap at the bottom) for only $29!!
2. I want to steal every piece on exhibit at the National Museum of the American Indian.

If there is suddenly a robbery reported from Manhattan old custom's building, it is most likely because I broke in after hours and stole every piece of clothing on display at the NMAI's Idenity By Design exhibit, which featured brilliant Native American women's dresses . As you all know, Native Americans are the new IT race and I totally DIG their style.


Check out this FIERCE hooded sweatshirt complete with a collar of BEADING. I'm like obsessed and need one...that's lined with fur.


That sweatshirt would go great with a pair of leggings and THESE bad boys. These boots are like SEXY COMFORT. They are almost thigh highs!! And that sultry red...


I might even pair them with these amazing embroidered gloves. So luxe.


This light tunic would be perfect for upcoming spring days. If I could wear a muumuu everyday, I would. Oh wait, I kind of already do. Love these print details. So Hermes.


Me as a Native American. Sigh.

3. The lobster roll tram continues onto Pearl's Oyster Bar.
Well actually we had originally planned on going to Mary's Fish Camp but when we arrived we realized we had accidentally stepped into Mary's BITCH Camp. We asked for a table for 4 and the BITCH-HOST claimed that he "wasn't taking groups of 4 anymore." Had we been a group of 3, it would have been fine...but we weren't about to play SURVIVOR: WEST VILLAGE over a lobster roll. I asked if we could put our name down anyway, and the BITCH-HOST acted all BITCHY-EXASPERATED and told me that even if I put my name down there was no guarantee that I would ever be seated tonight, the likelihood of being seated was low, that he probably wouldn't call me back, and that I would "go hungry" tonight. He really told me I was going to starve all night.

Not me.

I marched myself straight to the ORIGINAL lobster roll restaurant - Pearl's Oyster Bar. Pearl's was actually co-founded by Rebecca Charles and Mary Redding - aka MARY of MARY'S BITCH CAMP. The two fought over the rights to the lobster roll dish (but really how can you own the concept of the lobster roll???) and that's when Mary PEACED OUT and started a restaurant that is, I'm sure, just as bitchy as she is. Personally I would still want to try Mary's if I ever got the chance and felt like eating dinner at 4pm...but for now, I am tres PEEVED.

At Pearl's we were also greeted with a healthy line at the front of the restaurant but the host was all smiles. She told me to come back at 10pm to be seated. It was only 9:10pm, but we slipped into a nearby bar to watch basketball and pass the time. 10pm came quickly and we went back to Pearl's. We were seated within 5 minutes and the food came even faster. Pearl's is a no-frills kinda place. The menu is very simple and straight forward, no funky ingredients, no surprise pairings. Sometimes it's nice just to eat real, normal food. But very good quality normal food.


Salt crusted shrimp. Nothing mind blowing, but tasty.


Jumbo lump crabcake. A little dry, I've definitely had better.


*fanfare* And we finally come to the lobster roll. Once again, I think this roll falls short of those from Ed's Lobster Bar. Reminded me of the lobster rolls from Lure Fish Bar, but the serving size was much tinier. I give it a faint thumbs down because the lobster salad tasted a bit too mayo-y for my liking. It slightly trumps Lure in that the bun is a bit tastier and the salad wasn't made of lobster ice cubes.


Chocolate hot fudge sundae for dessert!!!!!! Ridiculously yummy. I think this was, sadly, the best part of the meal and the reason that I would go back.

Pearl's Oyster Bar: I will cheat on you with Mary (for the sake of the hunt), but I am hoping I will hate her.