But I am doing a few things to remedy/prevent the bad luck to come - and that is BUILDING UP MY KARMA NOW...in preparation for whatever the heavens have concocted to RUIN MY LIFE. I mean, honestly, what hasn't happened to me in the past few years that is really going to throw me for a loop? But anyways - I have already begun 2009 with a bang. Namely, by resolving two FALLING OUTS I've had in the past. In ancient antiquity, "Jean" and "falling out" were nearly synonymous terms. In the year 2009, this will no longer be the case. I have come to embrace a new way of thinking. It is one of adaptation, living my own life and not letting other people's actions affect my own, a certain c'est la vie attitude. Someone jumps the subway turnstile everyday while I dutifully pay my exorbitant $81 monthly Metrocard fee?? That used to bother me. But in 2009, I no longer care. I still live my life. They still live their life (albeit a life with a little more disposable income). I do not want this to evolve into a nonchalant, apathetic attitude. More an attitude of acceptance and peace.
I will not, however, display an attitude of acceptance nor peace with my current ENEMY IN LIFE aka CON-EDISON. OMG Con-Edison has got to be the richest company in the world right now because Lord knows they are making a shit ton of money off of me!
Let me give you a little background: Last year I lived in a building where heat and hot water were provided as a part of your monthly rent. Wonderful. Life was good. We could crank up the heat and take long, steaming showers with ease of mind. For some reason - I thought it was some standard rule in New York that heat and hot water were provided for...by the city..or somebody..
Until our November 2008 Con-Edison bill came in the mail - and it was a whopping $250. Many of you readers have never seen my Manhattan apartment before - but I assure you it is not some grandiose 2-story loft with high ceilings. At this point in time, my roommate and I were in utter shock. There must be some mistake. We read through our lease, and in the LAST CLAUSE, right above our signatures, was a blurb stating "All tenants agree to pay for heat and hot water." Wellllll, that's just great. The past month we had been constantly leaving the thermostat on 75+ degrees and even opening windows when we felt warm.
To avoid a similar disaster this month, we took the air conditioner units out of the windows, and turned the thermostat down to 65, making sure to turn it down to 60 before we left for work in the morning. There has never been a point in time this past month where I have been WARM in my apartment. Never. In fact, it is quite chilly and I feel like there is a constant draft. I'm surprised I have yet to contract pneumonia.
However, MUCH to our surprise - the December 2008 Con-Edison bill came in the mail and it was actually $7 MORE EXPENSIVE than the previous month.
WHAT.
WHY.
Here I am, freezing my ass off, looking at a Con-Edison bill of $260. I mean, FUCK YOU CON-EDISON. I see your stupid subway ads that appear as if they are giving TIPS on how to save money on your electricity bills. Close my refrigerator door when not in use?!?! THANKS. Hang my clothes outside to dry!?? Use candles!?!?! GO DANCE ON BROKEN LIGHTBULBS, CON-EDISON.
Which leads me to the following resolution in 2009:
1. Find a boyfriend that works for Con-Edison and convince him to "erase" my bill every month...or atleast utilize some sort of employee discount??
or
2. Quit my job, apply for a grant, and spend the next few years creating a revealing and shocking DOCUMENTARY about WHAT THE FUCK CON-EDISON DOES BECAUSE IT IS THE MOST MYSTERIOUS COMPANY IN THIS ENTIRE UNIVERSE. I will go in-depth and stop at no lengths to understand HOW Con-Edison prices their electricity, HOW they measure electricity usage, and HOW we can beat the Con-Edison system that has taken a MONOPOLY on electricity. Which will probably be - date someone that works for Con-Edison.
Notttttt bad.
3 comments:
CONED sucksssss
but omg, I've missed your writing!
well the more you turn the thermostat up and down the more expensive it can be.
Also, feel lucky that you never had a $550 bill like we did from PGW at 4028. That was because we would turn it up and then turn it down when no one was home...but we would also argue about the temperature. It costs more to constantly be in the process of heating. Did that make sense?
Your anger is misguided. You should be mad at yourself for not reading the lease. It is a bit insensitive and immature of you to have the heat on at 75 degrees under the circumstances of beleiving someone else was footing the bill. GROW UP!
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